Never Ending Battle

Angrboda; the one that is the bringer of sorrow, whom is a demonic giant. I like to bring her up, on occasions, because she really is the driving force of the “downside” of my DX. I know not to use my diagnosis as a crutch, yet she can have such impact on my thought patterns. I also love the demonic aspect of it all. I plan to name the other emotions as well, but not in the form of having multiple personalities,

It is my way of trying to ground myself into thinking: “hey, look who showed up at the party.” That’s after I calm myself down from an episode, which I would certainly like to make a blog post about. There have been many days that I have went into full on rage mode, which is not a pretty sight at all. On the other spectrum, there are days were I literally hate myself to the fullest extent.

On both plains, there really are no escape routes, unless you really are mindful. Just imagine hating every aspect of your life, feeling like there’s no control, everything is spinning out of control. It’s like trying to run for the toilet, when you are at the peak of nausea! You can do nothing but stumble along for the ride, until you figure a way to get yourself out of the situation.

Angrboda is nobody to mess with, and of course I respect her. Yes, I know I sound like I’m off my rocket, but this is my thought process. The other thing that I want to point out is: I am not constantly in despair or anger or crisis. Right now, I am as calm as a lamb. It can take a single thought to get me to spin out of control, but that’s why I have meds, am I right!!? *shakes week worth of wheel pill thingy. *

If it weren’t for these pills everyday, I would be worth, even though, we are constantly changes our meds. It’s a never ending battle…..hmm, ironic, no? Never ending, which means we will see it to the end,after decades of our lives.

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