So this is an entry, of several, about the Favorite Person, that I lost, several years ago. I truly cannot get over her. I will stick to this entry, as it’s not too long. I also do have other Favorite Person(s) to talk about, but this one is so strong. This is from the journal I kept from last year, that I barely wrote in. I will have quotes over the text, so y’all know it’s part of the entry.
I haven’t written in about a month, and still, the main topic, is you. You are a lethal poison within my chemical makeup. Ever since we have become friends, is the day my mind became infected. I constantly want to write the story, over and over, but how will that change anything? You will never contact me, ever again. I recall the weeks that I went through the stage of pure bitterness towards you. Text after text, were sent to you, as I displayed my anger and frustration. Even during these moments of anger, I would beg for some type of closure. I wondered why you stopped talking to me. I spewed my venom, of how you were such a terrible person, for dropping me, like I meant nothing. I questioned if I may have caused this, and pleaded with you, on allow to how me to fix this. Those texts to you, were scattered, as were my feelings. They never once got a single reply.
I would try, every once in a blue moon, to grab your attention. Filled with anger, sorrow,bitterness and sadness. It felt like my heart was shattering, like taking a bat to a mirror. I thought I had you back, once. You acted like you never got a single text, but that did not matter. When I finally had a conversation with you, my whole body felt ablazed with happiness. It lasted for only a few hours, then I was swept back into the cold bitter darkness. I waited a few more days, to give you space. The nail in the coffin came, when I text you, and you replied with “who is this?”
It was certainly your way to execute the friendship, and I wasn’t a fool to see that. It’s probably been a total of ten years, that I’ve known you, and seven years without talking to you. I wish I understood why things fell apart. I won’t get that answer in this physical realm…..
Monkey, how damaged you left me. There is nothing I can physically or mentally do, to rid my memories of you. You would assume that I would hate you, and be able to move on with my life. Second Heartbeat is on, and it just makes me want you within my life.
We never were sexual or anything like that. But it’s like, the emotional bond was so strong. We talked every single day, and I swear that nobody can replace you in my heart. These emotions that are present, are of the past. I am in love with you, in the past. It doesn’t matter how much I try reaching out for you, as I’ll never hear from you, unless by some magical event, you care enough to get in touch with me.
If only you would have expressed that you didn’t want me within your life, this would all have ended, sooner. I cannot stop thinking about you, and I’m wishing for a miracle. I have never cared this much about somebody, and I know that I’m only in love with the old Jojo.”
In closing, the term “love” is used in a best friend type of way. This is my first Favorite Person, without ever knowing what the term meant. Time slowly fades the memories, but when I get upset about things, my mind goes to the past, and I want to run to her. She was able to calm me down.