I’m sorry

I decided to unfriend coworkers from Facebook. It seems that my last post stirred up some backhanded posts, which okay, I can understand. Yet, I was explaining how I felt. I don’t use my DX has a crutch because I have been like this for years and years. I properly got diagnosed last year? Or maybe a few months ago?

I could have been unofficially diagnosed during my three IOP stays. My primary doctor did tell me of the major depression and anxiety. The anger was always present. The manipulation was always present. I have read so many articles tonight, to try to see the viewpoint of being accountable for my actions. Yes, we all are accountable for everything, but our brains are really wired completely different.

People with BPD, due to emotional instability, may be unwilling or even unable to accept responsibility for conduct inspired by their symptoms. This is often seen as manipulation, and in some cases is.

Source: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2011/04/bpd-personal-responsibility-and-identity/

In short: I do apologize if I did come off wrong, although I unfriended every coworker, and won’t post to Facebook. Well, I am wrong, but people need to understand that it’s a really difficult road for me. It’s not like I am purposely blaming others for my life. Although there are people who contribute to bad areas in my life, which makes the whole BPD and accountability a rough area.

There is no excuse for my actions…….I cannot control my emotions like a “normal” person can, however. Like in another blog post: it’s not normal to have ideations as much as I do. It just happens, and I get stuck inside the vacuum. I’m sorry, again……

This road has been a 12 years journey, with three therapists, a psychiatrist, different meds throughout the years, and a hospital stay. Pat on the back that I haven’t acted upon my thoughts.


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