Hamster On A Wheel

No idea what to even write about tonight. It has been filled with emotions that have literally sucked the life out of me. Right now, I’m typing this on my phone, even though I have my computer staring right in my face. Why not just use the computer? I tried that earlier, and I just got so frustrated. I actually miss my laptop, that I regretfully broke in a fit of rage, about a year ago. Sometimes it’s nice to just lay in bed and type out something on the laptop, or browse the internet. With the phone, I can do the same, but I feel like you have to prop yourself up, in a way that’s uncomfortable. Who knows, honestly. I can fix the laptop, but it’s past its prime, and I am very techy.

It’s like, I have to have the latest and greatest, and I will save for a long time to get what I want. Sometimes, it can be an impulse to want tech stuff, that I really don’t need. At the moment, I’m trying to update my Hackintosh to “High Sierra “ and it’s just not working out. This is the millionth time that I have tried, but nothing I do is working, and stalking the forums are a real pain. “Just go get a real Mac?” Definitely don’t have money for that, plus I like to have a dual boot system. I have a surround sound too, and Windows drivers make it sound hella amazing!

Like I said prior, I just feel drained of all emotion. In work, I was a complete disaster when it came to being angry, which I really need to tell my Pysch doctor about, tomorrow morning. It’s a bit of a warning sign for me, as it indicates I’m heading to a “burn out” road. I understand no medication can fully take this away, but something needs to be addressed. It also didn’t help that I took a double shot espresso on break. That lead to a fun manic episode, where I was full of energy , but snappy with everybody around me.

I had therapy today, which went fairly well. I wish that I could have had both appointments on the same day, but that was my mistake. I came up with a clever analogy, regarding all my problems. “I’m like a hamster on a wheel.” Pretty self explanatory, but it means that I keep doing the same things, over and over again, expecting a different outcome. OR I’m expecting other people to understand what I am going through. You can use the analogy to your hearts content, as it literally is a stable within our mindset of life. Feeling miserable,frustrated,sick of people,outcomes in life,etc etc.

I just really hope that my Phyc can provide me with something that will calm my nerves a lot more. I don’t want to make an irrational decision. I need to fugue out how to promote my blog to the big wigs. Let then see the struggles I go through on a daily basis.

Well I’m going to end it here. It’s been hours sine I started this blog. I’m filled with a bunch of sadness tonight. I need this pain to end. Oh, I never got my Hackintosh to work. Well, it works, but it didn’t update. Tomorrow, I’ll have some information on how my appointment went. Off to bed , I go.

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