The topic of discussion will be about having a “Favorite Person” or FP for short. Below is a description that I found, and I will elaborate my own thoughts on this topic.
“The term “Favorite Person” is not used to describe a person who is close to you, like a “best friend”. Rather, an FP is an individual who a person will BPD feels compelled to establish and actively maintain a steady relationship with and seek validation, acceptance, and sometimes advice or stability from. There is a constant compulsion to constantly ensure that the relationship is steady, but a lot of times the person with BPD may feel compelled to achieve a level of closeness to that person. Sometimes, there is even a constant compulsion to make sure the Favorite Person is content with you and the relationship. The brain often wants there to be absolutely zero conflict between the person with BPD and the FP. “
I have a best friend, whom I have been friends with for about 16 years now. I would like to disagree that a “best friend” can’t be a FP. There have been many times that I seek out her advice, validation and everything in-between! To my knowledge, I haven’t pushed enough to drive her away. On the same token though, there are times where I will not get a response from her, and let’s just say, the panic starts!
It’s a very tough feeling for me, I’ll truly admit. Logically, I know I am not being ignored on purpose. This is where the best friend and FP roles get into a fight, on my end. She knows every single mood that I have, so she knows how stubborn and all, I can get. This was BEFORE I was even diagnosed with BPD. But I knew there was something more happening in the years of the friendship. I remember just once that we got into an argument. I was waiting for her, to go out and eat. She wasn’t letting me know what was going on, so my BPD really showed up, and we got into it. Luckily, we smoothed that area out, quickly.
My anxiety and fear of being abandoned were really high, however. Nowadays, I try using the logical side of my brain, to calm myself down. I will sometimes randomly text her, however, to make sure that our friendship is stable. I tell her how much she means to me, and that she’ll always be my best friend and Favorite Person. I really try my best to put the two on a different plain. I very much love her, and don’t want to lose the bond that we have built.
She’s put up with a lot of my problems over the years, and she does it with so much grace. The two terms certainly go hand in hand for me. Without her, I can be an absolute train wreck waiting to happen. I have never “split” on her, which will be another entry in the future. In closing, I am afraid to lose my Favorite Person and my best friend. I honestly thank her from the bottom of my heart. She’s steered me in the right direction, dealt with all my push-back, but she’s never given up on me. It honestly takes a hell of a person to be a Favorite Person to some with Borderline Personality Disorder.
I love you best friend and FP, forever and always <3