Blank Inside

I feel as though I have absolutely no emotions left for this current situation that is playing out. As somebody said to me today “is everything okay? You look like you’re blank inside.” I guess that really is the perfect way to describe this situation then? I started this blog for personal reasons, to raise awareness. It can quickly be harnessed to raise awareness of how people with mental health issues are treated in the workplace. I wrote an article about that, which I will link.

 Mental health & The WorkPlace

Now, I have the lovely pleasure of dealing with a meeting with some union people, all because of my transfer request. I know I know, my fault for putting my business out there. Claim responsibility, blah blah fucking no.

Guaranteed my blog might be brought up, since the transfer was already known about. So why the union meeting?

They want to see where I am, emotionally or whatever. Well, that is my Psychiatrist and Therapist’s area, correct? I’m not having a therapy session with the union, so therefore I do not need to explain anything to them. It’s bad enough that the store manager brought up my “issues” with a box-cutter. Like, burn me at the stake for it! The flip side is, they are looking out for my best interest. Fine, I can logically come to that conclusion. But that’s still holding me back, based on my illness.

I’m close to texting a crisis hotline, because I can’t get anybody that isn’t busy.. I’m not in dire need or anything of the sort, but I am in the midst of an episode of angry, frustration, sorrow and just, ugh!

Look, I was hired 11 years ago, and the hiring team seen I was really good with computers. I finished my orientation well before everybody, the first day, and they had to find something for me to do. I was hired for stocking, but they noticed my computer skills, and I was eventually put in the department I’m in now, after 2 weeks of getting hired. I just don’t get why I haven’t been given a chance at something else, related to this. Yes, I have asked, and have gotten the run around.

I’m just exhausted, so exhausted, that my mind shifted into not even caring about this post, or what will happen. Kind of the funny part of BPD, for me, in all honesty. I find it amusing, that I’m giggling about it. Doesn’t mean that I won’t cycle back to the previous feelings, even though I shouldn’t. CBT skills. Meeting is on Friday. Should be fucked, mate. (I secretly love Australian lingo.)

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